Sep 8, 2011 11:30pm PDT
michigan. [ laughter ] but i say if the president is so desperate for his speech to get our attention, last night, this night, it don't matter. to reach the unemployed he needs to deliver it when the unemploy ready watching tv. at 3:00 a.m. right after a slap-chop infomerical. by the way, i partially blame the slap chop for this unemployment crisis. it chops, dices and minces! that's three jobs it killed! [ laughter ] folks, better yet, the president should just work his message in to the programming that's already on at that hour. jim? >> are you constantly strug well your strap? >> right now there are folks struggling. >> when you wear a turtle neck you look like this? >> democracy isn't always pretty. there's got to be a better way. >> we've proven we can come together to solve problems. >> introducing the all new genie bra. >> that's how we'll meet this challenge. >> that sleek sillo wet. this is the perfect bra for me. >> that's the spirit we need to harness it. >> barack obama's bras and jobs. order now. [cheers and applause] wow, our economy already seems fuller, perkier and more con
Sep 6, 2011 10:00am PDT
attending university in michigan... where i'm continuing to uphold our sacred abstinence vows close to my heart. our body, our temple. [ all ] our body, our temple. now i'd like to introduce the winner of this year's scholarship. - say me. say me. - she's an upstanding young woman. ladies and gentlemen, the future of america, miss priscilla white. thank you, thank you, thank you. oh, i'm so grateful to mary margaret for her inspiration and strength.
Sep 27, 2011 11:30pm PDT
is muscling in. and now michigan has passed a bill moving their primary to february 28 and florida wants to move theirs even earlier than that! now, florida going earlier makes sense. when your average voter is 93, every second counts. (applause) well, folks, south carolina voters refused to be treated like second-class citizens. state republican chair chad connolly told "u.s.a. today" "we're going to be first in the south and we're not going to share our date with anybody, especially a state that breaks the rules." yeah! south carolina has proven that unless you play by their rules they will take their state and go home! (laughter and applause) well, i say i say in all that campaign cash is attracting all the early primaries, let's make sure south carolina gets all that campaign cash by letting the cash decide the primary. just do away with the voting and give all our delegates to whoever spends the most money! on primary day, campaigns just hand in their receipts. (laughter) that way, unlike electronic voting, at least we'll have a paper trail. (laughter) to protect your interests, sou